A Line Crosser for Christ

The Past one year

Hey guys...realise that i have not been bloging for so long...but before this year coming to an end...i just want to recall what has happened over this past year...Thsi whole year has been the darkest valley of my life...i cant believe that things are actually happening so fast till i lost track of it...
First thing is that my grandpa had passed away...i can see that he was suffering, struggling to live that time when he was in ICU but in the end he still cant pull thorugh...i was so depressed...that he was my closed one...always there for mi...living with our family since i was born and he would gave us anythign that we want in out life...and i reali reali love him a lot...i was so affected by it that for the whole two months i cant sleep...i would woke up in the middle of the nite to cried cos i kept on dreaming of him...i cant bear to let him leave mi...i prayed so hard and so long for God to relieve my pain...that i will once again smile and have the joy of the lord be reflected in my life but i jsut cant...i felt i am going into depression...i cant lift up myself...i would cried out of the sudden on train when memories of my grandpa flashes past...and till now i still miss him...my faith began to waver and felt cheated by God...i hate myself for being so weak...i cant even bring myself to go and visit my gandpa in hosptial that time cos i will always be crying after seeing him...and i know i need to pull myself out of the dark pit or else i will forever remain in there...i got very emotional and that time i stil got to rush a lot of school projects to do...i just cant even pray cos i lost passion and interest in everything...even wanted to leave church etc...
However God is still good..God has blessed me with my boyfriend...he was there the whole time...encouraging me all the way...telling mi to dun give up and no matter wat happen he will be there for mi..and he also prayed for mi...after he knew about my grandpa death,he immediately wanted to come down and comfort mi but i cant i got to prepare my grandpa death ceremony...i think i cried dun knw how many times in the phone to him regarding this and tears will just flows down uncontrollingly when i think of my grandpa while i was with my bf...he will always be there to lend mi his shoulders...comforting mi...and i knew he felt sad to see him like this...he told mi for mine and God's sake..."Stacy u must be strong,u cant go on like this..no matter wat God and me will always be there for u,stacy"...even as he prayed for mi i can sense God's presence and tears will jsut flows down...
Following that in the middle of this year i found lumps in my body also...went to check up and is yet another trial for mi again...and just recently i was so stress up by my attachment and project that i collapse again as in my emotion went wild where i catn control it at all...and it started to affect my health as it caused mi to have giddiness till i cant do my work...not to say school work...once again i felt frustrated with myself for being so weak...i wanted to be well again...able to do my daily stuffs and able to serve God better and more...several tiems i nearly gave up as there will not be any improvement even if i had prayed...and mi and my bf been quarrelling quite often that time too but once he knew of my sickness he compromise and try not to quarrel with mi that much...There was once that i got to attend a choir practice after my school and project on friday and i felt so uncomfortable that my head is just so numb that i cant think and immediately after seeing my bf...i told him abt it and he jsut called my cgl telling him that he may be going to overnight prayer meeting which he desire to go but becos i am sick and he got to send mi home...he cant reah church in time and he called his choir helper that he cant attend that choir practice also as he need to send mi home...i was really very touched by his action for his willinginess to accompany mi home all the way after his work to boon lay and from boon lay to amk and then he went back to boon lay for prayer meeting later after accompanying mi to see doctor...and becos of his encouragement and my leader prayer that i went through this and i am not longer feeling emotional again...thank God...
So in short a lot of bad things happened over the past one year and one great thing that happen to mi is firstly i am more into serving God in greater way...now that i am involved in the expo choir team...and also lastly being attached to my bf...i always wanted someone who is patient and is able to lead mi in the word of God...serve God together with mi and Thank God that he is here now with mi...he is an SOT graduate...a choir member...everything that i wished for...and God granted my desire with His and my leader's blessing in this relationship...if ever my bf come upon this webpage, this is what i just want to say..."Dear i know i had said so many times thank to u...but other than that i dun know how to express how touched i am...i am so happy that u are always beside mi, supporting mi over this past one year..u never left mi a single moment when i need u or when i was down...know that we may quarrel sm time but i know that u always love mi and Dear i just want to say I LOVE U too.."
Anyway jsut want to wish everyone a merry meery christmas as christmas is drawing nearer...and have a joyful day that day delebrating with ur closed ones and let them feel the love of christ on that day...and after this will be a brand new year...and do set ur goals for the year...c u guys soon

posted by stacy @ 8:24 PM